Dear Coleen, I’m a lad in my 20s and have been with my girlfriend for several months. However, we don’t live together – I still live at home and she shares a flat with her uni friends about 30 miles away.
Lately, my ex, who lives locally, has been in touch a lot and recently asked if I’d be interested in getting together just for sex.
I told her I wasn’t going to cheat on my girlfriend, but we could be friends.
The problem is, every time we talk or see each other, the conversation always gets round to sex and I find it a real turn-on.
Even though our relationship didn’t work out, I still really fancy her.
I love my girlfriend and want to make it work, but I constantly think about having sex with my ex.
My girlfriend and I have a good sex life, but she’s away a lot and I’m left feeling frustrated knowing my ex lives nearby and is up for it.
I don’t know what to do – if my ex keeps the pressure up, I know I’ll cave in. I feel in an impossible situation.
The first thing you need to do is back away from this cosy friendship with your ex if you want to remain with your girlfriend because it has “ends in tears” written all over it.
You have to get in control of the situation and create some bound-aries around your ex. Be clear you have no intention of cheating on your girlfriend, and if that means not seeing her and not exchanging flirty messages, then do it.
Your ex is single, so has nothing to lose by having no-strings sex, but you have everything to lose, and if you love your girlfriend, don’t put the relationship at risk.
Look, it’s normal to be tempted, but if you can’t accept that and move on from it, then I don’t think you’re ready to be in a serious relationship.
Maybe you need to date for a while before you commit to someone you really care about.
Also, if the long-distance arrangement isn’t working, then think ahead and start planning how you and your girlfriend can see more of each other.